Aurora

My sweet, beautiful, baby sister Aurora just turned 12 this month and I have loved every moment of her existence since the day my parents concieved her.  I love her so much more than I was able to comprehend when she was born.  I love her unconditionally forever.

So much of my ability to love comes from my siblings.  From having to learn how to share with them and help them growing up to becoming a role model for them to look up to as I became an adult, they have contributed so much to who I am today.

My youngest sister Aurora and I have always had a special connection though.  She is such a sweetheart and she has always looked up to me and I've always been very flattered and honored by her love and attention.  My parents even gave me the privilege of being her confirmation sponsor and Godmother on top of the blessing that is being her sister and friend.

Aurora is constantly surprising me with her sweetness and maturity as she quickly blossoms into her adulthood.  She cares so much about other people and sees so much love and goodness in the world and other people.  She is a good friend, daughter, student, and sister.  She is a beautiful soul to say the least.

I've loved watching her grow up.  I admire the person she is becoming.  She has such a wonderful sense of who she wants to be and works hard toward her goals all on her own despite her low self-esteem and the troubles that naturally come from all the changes occuring in her pubescent years physically and emotionally.  She already has some great friends, she's been on her first date with her first boyfriend who talks to her every day and treats her well, and she knows she wants to be a singer, but is also considering pursuing writing as a potential career/hobby.

Aurora is so much braver and bolder than I ever was.  It's amazing and beautiful.  She's already posted a 10-chapter story online and is working on a second book with a friend on wattpad.com under the username lovatic603 and she is not shy about her singing which gets better every day and she's really put herself out there by posting videos on YouTube of her singing here and just goofing off with our brother and their friends here .

I am so proud of her and I learn from her everyday and I hope she always allows me to be a part of her life, because she is such an important part of mine.

I hope anyone who reads this will at least check out those links to get her some views and help her on her way to being more confident and proud of herself, because she is a wonderful young lady who certainly deserves success and attention.

Me and my Sibs

Wow, I have not posted to this blog in a pretty long time.  My youngest sister is actually the one who pointed that out to me.  Can I just take a moment to point out how awesome it is that my 11-year-old sister has read my blog at all?  Most people don't even know I have a blog, but my baby sister is so interested and supportive of us all that she asked me about it and asked me to show it to her and asked when I was going to post again.  She even showed it to some of her friends who came over one night.  How sweet is that?  She is literally showing off my blog to classmates and bragging about how cool it is.  That's awesome.  So I told her that my next post would be about her.  Specifically, I would like to give her YouTube channel some love, because what's even more awesome than having a blog is having a YouTube channel, especially at her age.  Her and my 13-year-old brother and their friends from next-door created their own YouTube channel this summer and posted some pretty fun and creative videos.  I admire their confidence and boldness and I love how much fun they have making these videos!  It's completely totally super awesome.

So, please check them out!  Like their videos.  Leave some love.  Subscribe.  My sister dreams of being famous someday as a singer and having some YouTube subscribers would totally make the days of these sweet kids.

Here's a link to their channel:  AGXE

Seriously, they're really great and awesome kids.  They're a little goofy, but you'll love 'em!

Honestly, my siblings are my favorite people to hangout with.  I love playing board games with them and Just Dance, and teasing them for being ridiculous.  I cannot imagine being an only child.  I would be an entirely different and worse-off person, so thanks Mom and Dude for being open to bringing us all into the world and keeping us together.  My life has especially been affected by dear baby sister, Aurora, and my only and favorite brother, Xander.  They taught me so much about how to love and be responsible and I am so very grateful that they exist.

Growing up with my sisters Antigone and Sabrina has been so wonderful, too, and I love when I get to see them now, because we aren't all together or sharing rooms or houses anymore.  We have so much fun together and we support each other and look so forward to the rare occasions where we get together.  My sisters are both really happy in relationships with great guys now and even though that means I see them less, I am so very happy for them.  Antigone is always encouraging me to not worry and to have fun.  And Sabrina's helping me FINALLY get my driver's license and her and my mom try to set me up with every cute single guy they meet, and that's sweet despite the desperation that it puts on my reputation haha.

So to sum up, my siblings are amazing.  I love them a lot.  I have no idea what I would do without them.  And I owe Aurora credit for inspiring this post and reminding me to appreciate the gift that all of my siblings are in my life.

Songs I Would Totally Cover if I were Musically-Talented At All

Die Young- Ke$ha
That Thing- Lauren Hill
Your Smiling Face- James Taylor
Come and Get Your Love- Redbone
Kiss Me Deadly- Reel Big Fish
Take Me to Church- Hozier
Walking on Broken Glass- Annie Lennox
I Will Buy You a New Life- Everclear
Maps- The Yeah Yeah Yeahs
Good Old Fashioned Nightmare- Matt&Kim

Songs that I am Listening to Way too Much Lately

22- Taylor Swift (in my defense, I just turned 22, so I'm allowed to be obsessed with it until I'm 23, right? It's always nice to have some reason to be excited about 22!)

Thrift Shop- Macklemore (After all, it is ****ing awesome). I have to hide my over-excitement every time in comes on the radio in the car. And I immediately decide to listen to it at least 2 or 3 times in a row every time it pops up on my Spotify playlist while I'm listening.

Call Me Maybe- Carly Rae Jepsen: The song we all hate to love that has been stuck in everyone's head since it came out on the radio months ago

Best for Last- Adele: I don't know why I love it so much, but I do.  I catch myself singing it all the time and then, I have to listen to it over and over again until I'm forced to stop listening to music to go eat dinner or something or another.

Kiss You- One Direction: A guilty pleasure song of mine. Most of us over the age of 17 probably don't like to admit it, but One Direction has some fun and catchy tunes.

Erase Me- Kid Cudi: My first Kid Cudi song, I heard for the first time over the summer and I've loved it ever since.

The Motto- Drake. It's extremely inappropriate, but it's so fun!

Die Young- Ke$ha. Really any Ke$ha song for me is a guilty pleasure.  She releases some catchy tunes though.

Books I'd Like to Read

Taming of the Shrew by Shakespeare

Theology of the Body by Pope John Paul II

The Autobiography of Saint Therese of Lisieux: The Story of a Soul

The Book of Peace : Finding the Spirit by Mother Teresa 

Mother Teresa: In Her Own Words

Confessions by Saint Augustine
The 6th and 7th Harry Potter Books

The Lord of the Rings books
The Hobbit

Love and Responsibility by Karol Wojtyla
Rediscovering Catholicism by Matthew Kelly (In progress)
Pretty much all the Matthew Kelly books after starting Rediscovering Catholicism
The Game of Thrones Series
Perks of Being a Wallflower
 

Movies I'd Like to See

In the spirit of making a bucket list, I have also decided to make a movie list.  This will obviously be edited as I see the movies and find more I'd like to see.  I will also be adding a book list and quite possibly more lists, so look out for list-mania!!

A Little Princess
Midnight in Paris
Legend of the Guardians
My Girl
Rules of Engagement
Garden State
The Amazing Spider-Man
Brave

People Like Us
The Shawshank Redemption
The Dark Knight Rises
Citizen Kane
Life is Beautiful
Braveheart
It Happened One Night
The King's Speech
Gone With the Wind
Moonrise Kingdom
The Flowers of St. Francis
Guys and Dolls
Mirror Mirror
Leap Year
The Muppets (2011)
Of Gods and Men
For Greater Glory
Amelie
5 Year Engagement
The Heartbreak Kid
The Hobbit
Les Miserables
Seeking a Friend for the End of the World
How to Deal


You are all encouraged to let me know your own opinions about these movies.  They are in no particular order by the way.  Also, if there are any movies you consider a must-see, let me know. Thanks! :)

My Summer 2012 Style Wishlist

Floral skirts and dresses

 

Yellow nail polish

 

Colorful sandals

Dressy sandals

 

Ribbed tank tops

 

Quarter-length sleeves white blazer

 

Khaki shorts

 

White shorts

 

Flowy feminine tops

 

Solid colored button-up shirts

 

High-waisted skirts

Sports bras

 

Lacey tops

 

Belts

Hobo bags

 

Mint green nail polish

Button-up denim skirt

 

Overall dress

 

Thin scarves

 

Longer layered necklaces

 

Canvas flat tennis shoes

 

Short-sleeve dresses

 

Thin long-sleeved tops

 

Polka dot dresses and skirts

 

Bows

Archbishop Naumann on Welfare and the State

This quote popped up on my Facebook newsfeed and I have to say that I see a lot of truth in this.  

 

"Part of my concern, which I expressed at the bishops’ meeting, is that people—who have good intentions and motivations—have too often looked to massive government programs to help the poor, yet we have a history now of almost 50 years with these programs and we don’t have fewer poor and we don’t have more people empowered. But we do have a weaker family life and weaker public morality. And so we have to look at it and ask, “Are these really the best ways to go about addressing the problem?' "

—Archbishop Naumann on welfare and the state.


Read the rest of this exclusive Catholic World Report interview here: http://goo.gl/afUsC

My Bucket List

I have actually never made an official "bucket list".  I always think of things I'd like to do though, so I have finally decided to make an actual visual list of these things, so that I can start making these things happen now while I have the time and energy and resources.

1. Get a passport
2. Use that passport to visit at least one country in another continent
3. Go on a mission trip
4. Get my driver's license
5. Get a car (these 2 are silly, I know, but I seriously need to motivate myself to drive haha)
6. Get confirmed in the Catholic Church
7. See the movie Midnight in Paris
8. Learn to sew
9. Make my own dress
10. Learn/re-learn how to knit better
11. Buy a house
12. Invent my own recipe
13. Re-learn/improve piano playing
14. Visit Nebraska
15. Lay under the stars with someone I love
16. Run a 5K
17. Run a marathon
18. Have drinks with my sister, Anne
19. Spend an entire day spoiling my youngest siblings
20. Ride a train
21. Have strawberries and champagne together
22. Build a piece of furniture
23. Learn the pokemon rap
24. Go to Disney World
25. Ride a train

I will try to remember to add more as I think of them, but this is my Lainey-licious bucket list!  Please feel free to comment with some of your own bucket list items/suggestions to inspire me, so that I can make sure I live my life to the very fullest! :)

56 Things to Blog About Compliments of a Tumblr User

1. I am straight, but I have a great appreciation for the beauty of women as well :)
2. I am really bad at a lot of things haha, but one thing that I think is most apparent recently is being aggressive.  My coach tells me I need to be aggressive on the track every time he sees me.  He even told me to be aggressive in line at Subway today, because I kept letting people ahead of me haha.  And I am extremely passive in most situations and avoid confrontations.  I forgive very easily and forget just as easily.  I just have no desire to be angry or aggressive or competitive.  It's just not in my nature for whatever reason.  It's not necessarily a bad thing except when I am in a track meet and actually need to be aggressive and compete well.  So I guess I probably should work on it now that I am on a team and stuff...
3. I would prefer not to say his name, but there is someone whose arms I would LOVE to be in right now.  I shouldn't though and I am trying to get over him and stop liking him.  There's nothing there on his end, and I am just setting myself up for heartache by liking him.  We can't control how we feel though; and we can't help who we love.
4. Hm.. My best first date?  That's a really tough question, because my memory of the dates are affected by the guys I went on them with, so the date might have been really good at the time, but I may have loathe the guy now and remember it as a terrible date just because I don't like him anymore.  I will try to be objective though and base it soley off of how I felt ON the date not looking back on it.  I don't know if it was actually our first date, but before we were "going steady", my boyfriend in Junior and Senior year of high school and I snuck out of our houses one summer night before school started, went to Giant Eagle at like 2am and bought lots of candy, and then, snuck into Lakewood Park and had a candy picnic by the lake and watched the sun rise.  It was one of my favorite dates ever in general even though I still laugh at myself for dating the guy at all.  Things like that make me miss dating a little bit though.  It was terribly romantic and super fun.  I recommend it to all couples :)
5. My self-esteem is pretty low.  I think it's mostly because of my acne though.  I can be a little annoying and boring, but I like my personality for the most part.  I just wish I was a little skinnier and had pretty, smooth, clear skin.  I would be a lot more confident if I just felt more beautiful and comfortable in my own skin.  I still love myself a lot though and I don't let it get me down too much.
6. I actually don't have anyone I would consider my "best friends".  I basically have friends and acquaintances.  My friends are all people who are sweet, funny, loving, understanding, and good listeners.  We like to hug each other and shower each other with compliments to brighten each others' days.  That's how I would describe my friends :).
7. My favorite book is The Witch of Blackbird Pond. I couldn't really tell you why though.  And it's like 8th grade reading level haha.
8. Biggest turn-offs: being disrespectful, being stubborn, being close-minded, immaturity, being perverted, laziness, being too pushy, being inconsiderate, being boring, too much social awkwardness, lack of good hygiene 
9. Hmm... well, I don't really have a best friend to describe.
10. My favorite animal is probably the elephant, because they are gentle giants.  They don't bother you unless you bother them and they just live very peacefully taking only what they need.  And they stay in their packs and take care of one another lovingly :)
11. I miss my friend Brittney a lot.  I haven't seen her except in passing two or three times this semester.  We've both just been really busy lately.  We've always been kind of on-and-off in our friendship not because we fight or anything.  We actually get a long really well.  We just have conflicting schedules and she doesn't live on campus.
12. The reason behind my last breakup: We had been dating a while and neither of us were happy.  He wanted a less serious relationship.  I wanted to be with someone that actually wanted to be with me.  He went on a date with someone else, I found out, and we broke up kind of mutually.
13. Yesterday, I had breakfast with Samantha, worked for 2.5 hours, went to class, had lunch while working a voting table with my sister, had my weekly RA meeting, played games with a staff member's 7-year-old son for almost an hour, went to track practice, ran a little extra after practice, had dinner with my sister and some of my favorite people at ODU, wasted my life away on the internet, went to Lyric jeopardy in another residence hall, watched Hulu with my sister, and went to bed.
14. My greatest achievements: graduating first in my class in 8th grade, graduating high school with honors, surviving collegiate track, learning to forgive
15. Hmm I actually don't know who I dislike the most.  I really only dislike a few people and I am working on learning to love them, so I'd rather not focus on anything I dislike, because it could be a set-back to my progress.
16. My favorite songs right now: You by Chris Young, Out on the Town by Fun., Shake it Out by Florence and the Machine, Carry On by Fun., Better Together by Jack Johnson, Glad You Came by The Wanted, Viva La Vida by Coldplay, Good Ol' Fashion Nightmare by Matt&Kim, Best for Last by Adele, Maps by Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Call it Off by Tegan and Sara, Stay by Lisa Loeb, I Would do Anything for You by Foster the People, How Many Kings by Downhere, pretty much anything by She and Him, Wavin' Flag by K'Naan, 2am by Poema, Base Down Low by Dev, Sleep With Me by We the Kings, and like a million more I'm sure haha.  I have a lot of song obsessions!
17. My last kiss was very late at night on a school night of course haha.  He invited me over to his room, we cuddled and he started kissing me.  That's how it went down.  Nothing too out-of-the-norm or romantic or anything haha.
18. What I find attractive in a man: humility, understanding, love, good hugs, healthy skinny with some defined muscle and maybe abs, intelligence, open-mindedness, being Catholic, being a snazzy dresser, being logical, chivalry, being kind and generous in general, being there for people whenever they need it/putting people first, hard-working, being sweet to his family, having interests (sports, writing, community service, etc.), having good values/virtues, honesty, loyalty, trustworthy, good communication skills, smelling good, some subtle way of showing interest like putting his hand on my shoulder or finding excuses to talk to me without being too forward, wanting the same things as I do (marriage, family, job, etc.)/having similar goals to mine, thoughtfulness
19. I've only really had carnival gold fish and one cat named Angel who my parents made me get rid of when I was pretty young :(
20. Mmmm ice cream! I love plain black raspberry, cotton candy, chocolate chip cookie dough, and vanilla berries and cream best. I cannot narrow it down further than that though haha.
21. One place I want to be right now: camping somewhere warm and summery with the boy I like cuddling outside the tent looking up at the stars and having deep conversation.
22. The meanest thing anyone has ever said to me? I'm not really sure. I try not to think about that stuff too much, because I like to be positive, but my dad and my ex boyfriend called me a slut/whore which kind of stuck with me for a while and hurt more than anything else said to me I think...
23. I've only ever lived in Ohio (Cleveland and Columbus)
24. I'll love you if... you are a nice person.  That's really all it takes.
25. All I really know about my future is that I plan to graduate college and move out of my house eventually.  I might do grad school.  I am also currently discerning being a nun or sister.  That's about it haha. 
26. I guess my biggest internal conflict is just trying to be a good person while being tempted to do what is not good like wanting to date guys who aren't good for me, and wanting to skip Mass because I'm sleepy, and not helping someone because it inconveniences me, etc.  I know the right thing to do, but I still have to fight with myself, because it seems easier not to do the right thing a lot of the time.  Hopefully, it will become instinctual eventually if I just keep fighting my initial desire to ignore what is right.
27. Tomorrow, I will be going to Mass and hopefully on a run, maybe go to the library for a book sale, work on homework, and go to a prayer service and dinner.
28. When I get older, I would love to be a teacher.
29. My most embarrassing moment? That is really tough, because I'm not easily embarrassed at all haha.  One of the workers in our dining hall actually told me the other day that he liked me, because I have "no shame in my game".  But I guess the most embarrassing moment I can think of is when I was joking last semester about how all of my residents were moving out and mentioned one specifically who was moving out.  I was joking about how my goal was to get rid of all my residents by the end of the school year and said I was excited she was leaving, but then, I realized she was actually within earshot of me, so it was really awkward and I felt the need to email her explaining that I was joking and wasn't actually excited about her moving out.  She never replied, but she was still very friendly toward me when she saw me after that, so I guess we're fine.  I still feel really embarrassed and bad about it though.
30. Two of my insecurities? Sheesh... only two?  Well, I am definitely insecure when it comes to my looks for a few reasons- acne is a big one.  I feel absolutely hideous just because I have acne, so that makes me really insecure in my own skin.  My entire future is an insecurity for me as well.  I have no idea what I'm going to do with my life at all and that is really scary.
31. It would depend on how much money I won, but if I won a pretty large sum of money in the lottery, I would, first of all, pay off my student loans.  Then, I would pay back everyone who gave me money to pay for school.  I would give my parents some money to put toward a house under the condition that my siblings got put into Catholic school which I would also pay for.  I would get my driver's license and buy a car.  I would actually probably end up staying at ODU a couple more years and getting my education degree or doing Grad school.  Depending on what was going on in my life, I might buy myself a house or just rent an apartment.  I would probably buy myself some cute clothes and shoes.  I would definitely donate a good chunk of money to the Church and Church-affiliated charities.  I would also use some money to go on a missionary trip probably to El Salvador to work with Catholic missionaries there.  I would put whatever money was left (if any) into a savings account I guess.   
32. The boy I like... Hm.. Well, I actually like a few guys right now.  The one I think about the most though is probably the one I like the most, so I will describe him.  He's also a Senior at my school.  He is very intellectual.  He is very kind and he has a big heart, but he doesn't always use it as much as he should.  He has a very romantic and poetic personality.  He's very much the sensitive type of guy.  He chooses his words very well most of the time.  And all the girls fall in love with him.  He's surprisingly humble though about it.  He definitely is not perfect, but he's trying to be a better person.  He's very beautiful.  He can be very silly or he can be extremely anti-social and depressing depending on the day.  He likes for everyone to be his friend, but he doesn't always put as much effort into his friendships as he should.  Someday, though, he is going to be a very amazing person and I am very honored to be able to say he was my friend.
33. I think what I love most about myself is how easily I love and forgive.  Everyone who knows me makes fun of me for never being able to be mad or mean and being happy and nice all the time.  I haven't always been like this, but as I've gotten older and really focused on trying to be a better person, I've been able to forgive so much faster and judge so much less to the point that it's just become part of my nature to love people without judging them and to forgive them without needing a lot of time or an apology at all.
34. My biggest pet peeves?  Well, I get really annoyed trying to read posts online when there are too many typos.  I don't mind a few, but when it's like every other word or sentence, it really irritates me.  I also hate it when people leave things out especially food at home or leave doors or cupboards open.  When girls talk in a whine-y tone, that really bugs me as well.  It's not cute or attractive and guys need to tell them that.  They are grown-ups.  No need to baby talk anymore.
35. I've seen the Spice Girls, Fall Out Boy, All-American Rejects, Motion City Soundtrack, Gym Class Heroes, Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, the Pink Spiders, Another Found Self, the Ska-Ker Moms, Miley Cyrus, Metro Station, and others I can't think of right now.
36. My best friends are currently probably Cassie, Hayley, and Katie.  Over the last few years, my best friends have been Alli and Brittney, but I don't see them much anymore lately.  The people I actually call "best friend" are Cassie, Tyrique, and Ben, but I hardly ever talk to Tyrique or Ben haha.  Eric, Brian, and Tay Wray probably deserve to be up there too even though I don't see them much, because they've been there a few times when I really needed a friend.
37. I am still not sure that I am going to get married and have kids, but if I do have kids, I will love however many God blesses me with (cheesey as that sounds).  I would love a big family though.  The more the merrier.  I usually tell people I want 12 kids, but I'd be grateful for as many as I get.
38. My idea of the perfect date is going out to a movie in the late afternoon/early evening followed by dinner at Olive Garden followed by coffee and dessert at a Starbucks preferably the one in Barnes and Nobles that has Cheesecake Factory Cheesecake.  And then, going for a walk at night and just talking or maybe laying down and looking at the stars.  Or doing dinner and coffee/dessert first and then, renting a movie and cuddling at one of our places while watching it and talking and falling asleep together.  It depends on how far into the relationship we are.  Going camping for a night or two and incorporating the stars and the walk is a great summer date for a couple that's been together for at least a few months.  So any of those those three could qualify as my perfect date depending on the guy and how long we've been together, etc.
39. I am really good at baking usually.  I have also had many teachers tell me I'm a very good writer.  I can't think of anything else at the top of my head though that I'm good at.
40. My most traumatic experience... Um, I'm not really sure.  I haven't had too much trauma.  I'm sure it's either father-related or boyfriend-related though.  Maybe when my dad called me a slut when I was 13 or 14?  That was really hard to get over.
41.  I would like to stay in Ohio I think though I have considered Nebraska a lot.  It would also be pretty cool to live in the Vatican.  It all depends on what I do with my life though.  If I have a family, I want to live in the suburbs or country somewhere in Ohio or Nebraska.  If I become a sister/nun, I'd like to stay in Columbus or go to Nebraska or the Vatican.  If I end up living the single life, I'd like to stay in Columbus or Cleveland near my friends and family probably in a suburban or urban setting.
42. People say a lot of nice things to me, so it is really hard to pick out the very nicest.  The guy I like always tells me I'm a really good and nice person and asks me to help him be better which I think is really flattering to have someone think you're good enough to help them be better.  So I think that is what I will choose as the nicest thing said to me though there may have been other better things.
43. I do not like where I am right now.  I actually keep wishing I could go back two years and re-do these last two year over again.  I really liked where I was sophomore year.  I was pretty and skinny and had really great relationships with my friends and God and free time and I had goals and ideas.  Now, I barely have time for anything outside of work, school, and track, so all of my relationships are hurting.  And I have no real goals.  I have been breaking out like crazy and gaining weight and losing sleep.  I just hope I get out of this rut soon and get back to a new and improved version of my sophomore self.
44. All I really hear right now is my dad snoring and me typing on my keyboard and the low hum of my laptop's fan.
45. I have a different relationship with each of my siblings.  I don't really see or talk to my oldest sibling much since she moved out of the house a few years ago.  She and I were on-and-off friends throughout grade school, but then, we were friends all through junior high and high school and we were pretty close until she started smoking weed and dropped out of school.  We got into a big fight before she moved out of the house, but we seem to be okay now.  We have very different beliefs and lifestyles, but the same friendliness and easy-going-ness and optimism.  My next oldest sister and I actually go to school together now.  We played together all the time when we were little and liked a lot of the same things (TV shows, Barbies, super heroes, comic books, etc.).  She started to annoy me a lot when I was in junior high and going through the pre-teen/early teen years.  In high school, I tried to befriend her, but she was going through her angsty teen years then and was too cool for me.  We didn't talk much after I went to college, but when I did see her while I was home, we got along fine and I tried opening up to her and talking to her about deep things like religion, relationships, philosophy, etc., but we still weren't really close.  We became closer this past summer and the beginning of the school year, but by the end of first semester, I was just really disappointed in and annoyed with her behavior and wished I hadn't gotten her into my school.  Now, she considers me her best friend and insists she is mine, but I really don't feel comfortable talking to her about things and she gets on my nerves a lot of the time.  I still love her though.  I just don't think siblings should ever be together this much at this age especially when they're as different as we are now.  My brother changed my life just by existing.  He is super sweet and awesome and just makes me want to be a better person.  Sometimes, I get a little irritated with him, because he will just go on and on about his games, but overall, I love being around him and he makes me laugh and smile.  And my youngest sister reminds me a lot of the second youngest sister in a lot of ways probably because they look so much alike and were both the youngest at some point.  She is very emotional though and always has to get her way which is very different from me, so I have a hard time keeping a straight face when she's crying over something ridiculous.  But I love her a lot and she really looks up to me, so I guess our relationship is kind of like the model big/little relationship where I'm kind of leading by example and being a role model for her, so she can grow up to be like me.
46. I had some carnival gold fish when I was younger.  And my family's gone through a lot of cats.  The only pet that's ever truly been mine though was my cat Angel.
47. My biggest worry currently is school and the future in general.
48. Something I've wished for repeatedly is guidance.
49. My relationship with my parents is kind of rocky.  We rarely see eye-to-eye.  My dad and I only just recently got back on speaking terms.  Up until I was 13, they were my best friends though.  I loved hanging out with my parents and I told them basically everything.  But I grew apart from them when I started dating and went to high school.  I eventually started to resent them.  Then, I forgave them and loved them again, but I still don't trust them completely or agree with them.  I've learned to respect them though and to be grateful for them, because I think they're doing the best they can and that's really all I can expect of them.
50. What words make me the best about myself?  I have no idea what that means. 
51. Something I should've said a long time ago?  "I might be depressed".
52. My last text message was to my friend Eli and it says "It's weird that the vault combination isnt the numbers everywhere else on the show. Also, that episode is ridiculously insane!" and it was in response to my last received text from the same guy saying "Let me know what you think about the episode"
53. What I hate most about myself is that I need a better filter when I talk and need to think and choose my words more carefully when I speak, because I tell people a lot of things I shouldn't and things I don't mean, etc.
54. Biggest turn-ons: thoughtfulness, chivalry, being taller than me, toned bod, classy attire, Catholic, saying my name, making me laugh, being a good hugger, being a good kisser, cuddling, sleeping with me, thick shaggy-ish hair, being good with kids, looking into my eyes, smiling while kissing me, holding my hands, touching my legs, buying me drinks, intelligence, romance
55. I don't know if there are words that really upset me...
56. What I hate the most about school: attendance policies, going over readings in class that we were assigned to read the night before, pop quizzes, and participation points

Treating Acne Naturally

Mkay, so I have been struggling with acne since I was 11 or 12, but it seems to have gotten a lot worse recently rather than better.  I feel like I have tried nearly everything over-the-counter.  Proactiv worked best for me, but it is just so pricey.  My parents are trying to make an appointment for me with a dermatologist while I am home for Spring break, so I really really hope I'll be able to get something soon.  My acne has always been kind of on and off.  It's usually not very bad in the summer, but tends to get worse in the winter when my skin gets dry.  This is the worst it's ever been though and I assume it's stress related since it started getting really bad about a month after my big breakup and around the same time I started doing Track and started having issues with my sister.  I have also had a rash on my arms, shoulders, and chest that just appeared around that time.  I have tried lotions and anti-itching cream, but nothing makes the rash go away, so I will probably need medication for that as well as my acne.  It just makes me feel so disgusting and self-conscious :/.  So since I haven't seen any improvement using any of the acne-fighting washes and creams and whatnot, I decided to try and look at some natural remedies that would be less expensive and probably better for me in the long run since the ingredients aren't as most face washes and such.  As I write this, I am trying out a baking soda mask which is simply baking soda mixed with a little warm water and applied to my face after washing with a mild cleanser.  I plan to leave it on for about twenty minutes and will hopefully see some results from it.  I am also going to try using toothpaste as a zit-zapper before bed tonight to see if that actually works.  I have found a lot of different natural remedies that use items from around the house.  There are a few egg masks and oatmeal masks.  I've also read about yogurt helping with redness and making skin softer.  This website has a few interesting ideas including the baking soda mask I am trying right now: http://www.mybeautyrecipes.com/acne_remedies.html.  I also follow the blog and youtube channel of Bubz Beauty who has done a lot of pieces on natural skin remedies after she struggled with some skin problems herself:  http://www.youtube.com/user/bubzbeauty?feature=g-all-u.  I have also read in a beauty book that tea tree oil can help when applied to the acne.  Vitamins A, E, and K are also supposed to help with acne.  Staying away from greasy and sugary food can also help fight acne.  Drinking lots of water and some lemon juice and also green tea are supposed to help with acne.  Also, getting at least 6-8 hours of sleep each night with help your skin a lot.  Moisturizing with an oil-free lotion is good for the skin too to keep it from getting too dry or oily.  Please feel free to share any remedies you know of that could help with acne especially if it's something you or a friend have tried that actually worked!  I am willing to try anything at this point.

This website also has some good tips for improving your diet to stop acne:  http://www.sheknows.com/health-and-wellness/articles/808153/natural-remedies-for-adult-acne


March 17, 2012
 Alright, I have been using baking soda mixed with warm water as a mask for the past few days and I have seen some improvement on my skin nothing drastic, but the redness and bumps have reduced. The acne is still there.  Today, I started adding salt to my baking soda and it seems to be giving me more rapid results.  Basically, I take about a teaspoon of baking soda in my hand, add a dash or two of salt and about ten-fifteen drops of warm water and massage it into my face in a circular motion.  I let it sit there for a while.  I don't usually time it.  I would recommend leaving it on for maybe 20-30 minutes though.  It kind of stings and burns a lot for me the first few minutes, but that just makes it feel like it's working.  I have been using it twice a day after washing my face (once in the morning, and once before bed).  I usually follow it with a vitamin-enhanced toner.  I found out today though that I might have cystic acne, so hopefully, I will be able to get in to see a dermatologist soon to have it checked out.  I looked up remedies for cystic acne online and am planning to go buy some of the over counter stuff tomorrow to try and find a quick fix for it.  I've read that apple cider vinegar taken both orally and topically can have amazing effects on cystic acne, so I'm really excited to try that.  I also might try castor oil or hydrocortizone cream.  If you have any remedies that worked for you, please comment and share.  Like I said, I am willing to try anything at this point.  My acne is so bad.

I actually kind of look like Henry Mancini!

So I was doing a celebrity look-alike collage on myheritage.com and was very amused and intrigued to see Henry Mancini pop up as one of mine.  I was, at first, slightly offended that there were males on my collage haha, but then, I thought about it and remembered my grandma telling me I was related to Henry Mancini a little distantly.  At the time, I didn't really know who he was so I didn't really put it together until I had thought about it for a while, but it totally makes sense that I would look like him since we are blood relatives in some way.  I was looking at my pictures compared to his and I am pretty sure we have the same nose.  Is that totally crazy?  I mean we aren't related very closely at all and I am not even sure how we are related to be honest, but a website was able to find similarities in our faces enough to put him as one of my top 5 matches!  That just seems totally insane and surreal to me.  What are the odds?!! It's pretty exciting though, so I felt like sharing it with the world aka my 6 followers and random readers that stumble upon my blog haha.

The Importance of Being a Friend

I am back with my family now for my Spring Break.  My dad came and picked my sister and I up from our school.  It's generally about a two-hour drive, but he got there really late.  My poor sister spent almost her entire birthday just waiting to go home.  It wasn't that bad though.  And we had some pretty good conversation with our dad on the way back as well as some laughs to a mix CD filled with Weird Al songs. 

My relationship with my dad has been very rocky over the last few years, so I really cherish the few times I get to have actual conversations with him that don't end up offending someone or hurting feelings and such.  He started talking about his relationship with my mom though and how he could never really just talk to her like he wishes he could for various reasons, but mostly because she reads into things so much and gets jealous and paranoid or simply just cannot relate to him on many things.  I have definitely noticed this in their relationship and so I could understand what he meant and where he was coming from.  He said there were really only three people he had ever met that he felt like he could talk to about anything and everything without fearing judgment of any sort.  It was really sad to hear about how these people ended up moving out of his life especially his childhood best friend with whom he had what we would nowadays consider a "bromance". 

I've always felt really bad for my dad, because he is very depressed and pessimistic most of the time.  I used to be very close with him until I started dating in my teenage years and then, he just didn't know how to relate to me and hated how I changed and I just wanted him to love me despite how I'd changed, because it's normal for people to change and a parent's love should always be unconditional.  I didn't stop loving him, but I did stop confiding in him.  We stopped staying up together 'til 3am watching TV and talking about things like theology and philosophy and psychology and life in general.  He stopped inviting me to go to the comic book store with him.  Our relationship was civil most of the time, but it was hard to handle him.  In my defense though, I was young and had no idea how to handle the situation, because no one truly tried to help me mend that relationship.  It wasn't until very recently that we really fixed things between us.  We apologized to each other and were friendly, but still weren't really talking for a while.  Then, he started going to Church again and discussing it with me and put my siblings into RCIA classes so they can be baptized and my parents asked me to be the Godmother!  Needless to say, this was a huge blessing.  My father and I finally had common ground to make conversation with and were in very similar places in our lives and wanted the same thing from our relationship.  Then, talking to him started to be more and more natural and easy as time went on.  We certainly do not have a perfect relationship, but it's better than it has been in a while.

My dad also finally got a job after being unemployed for like 6 years.  This is terrific news.  I feel that a job will give him more of a sense of purpose and help in to be more social and to regain a greater sense of responsibility and work ethic.  It will also get him out of the house more which I believe will help him to be a little more sane and less depressed.

My dad seems to be in a better place now than he has been in years.  I am really proud of him.  I hope and pray that things will continue to get better for him and that maybe some of his motivation to improve his life will rub off on my mother and my sister.  It is just such a beautiful experience to witness someone turning their life toward God and trying to be a better person.  I can obviously relate as it wasn't that long ago that I myself started that never-ending journey to God.  And my dad is a great example that it is never too late to change.  He has been so set in his ways and beliefs for years and here he is making all these changes and moving in his life in a more positive and fulfilling direction.

It still makes me sad to see my parents together though, because I know neither of them is truly happy in that marriage.  I really wish they would try marriage counseling or at least individual therapy to help them be better for each other so that the relationship can grow into something good for both of them.  I feel like having two parents that do not have genuine love for each other is just as bad as having divorced parents.  Children can tell and it does affect their lives especially their love lives.  I remember growing up assuming that I would have sex before marriage with my first boyfriend and that I would probably get pregnant before getting married and I just hoped that I had a boyfriend who would marry me if that happened.  As I grew older though and dated a few guys, I realized I didn't feel comfortable with that and I am so glad I am waiting until marriage to share that with someone, because I don't want to end up like my parents feeling trapped just because I have been dating someone a while or I'm pregnant.  I'm not saying my parents were wrong for what happened and how they got pregnant with me and ended up getting married.  I just know it isn't for me and wish that I had had some better examples of marriage growing up to help me to see that I wasn't really in love with every guy I dated and that there are good reasons to wait to have sex.  I know my dad wishes he had waited.  I can't blame my parents though. They both have a lot of issues and just did what felt right or good at the time.  I do admire them for staying together this long for us kids, but I think it would be a lot better for everyone if they took the time to work on their marriage to have a more healthy, loving, and happy relationship.

The fact that my mom is not one of the three people my father can talk to is not a good sign.  I worry every day that I am going to end up in a marriage like my parents' which is why I am being so picky about who I date now.  I tried thinking of who I talk to about everything, because I found it odd that my dad has only had three in his whole life.  My mind went blank though.  I couldn't think of anyone that I felt comfortable telling anything and everything to.  Maybe it's because I journal so much so I don't feel a need to vent or ask advice as much.  I just don't really trust other people completely.  I don't think it's bad though considering I haven't really met anyone who has proven themself trustworthy with anything I have told them.  I thought my friend Brittney could grow to be that for me, but we kind of stopped talking completely out of the blue.  And I have had boyfriends that I tried to make into that kind of person for me, but they always ended up losing my trust somehow by either telling other people, or acting as though I wasn't important and they didn't really care or judging me for this and that.  It is very hard to find someone to trust 100%, but it is so worth it to make the effort to find them, because that is how lifelong friends are made and that is something I think is very essential in a husband or wife.  Because it's so difficult to be that person for someone and to find that person for yourself, I understand that there are many people who settle and end up with friends and spouses that they can tell most stuff to comfortably which is enough temporarily, but will run out at some point.

So right now, as part of my journey to bettering myself, I am really focusing on my relationships with others and growing in my friendships and making new friends.  I am trying to be the kind of person that I could confide in so that others might confide in me and eventually, I can find someone to confide in myself.  It is very lonely not having that someone yet, but I am so excited to find that person for myself.  Once I have that kind of relationship, I feel like the world will be a better place and my heart will be able to rest easier and my soul shall be a little more content in this body.  It wasn't until very recently that I realized how very important it is to have good friends and to be a good friend.  I am not going to let myself fall away from people anymore though.  I am done being anti-social.  And I am done pretending I don't need friends, because I kind of do.  Humans are social beings.  Having friends is essential to our happiness.  I used to believe I was good as long as I have God, but He has shown me better.  In order to be His friend, I must be a friend to all He has chosen for His friends.  I need to be a friend to everyone.  It's a lot easier said than done, but if that is what He is calling me to, I am certainly up for the challenge.