Since I am Single for the First Time Since High School...

I am retaking a survey from a blog I wrote in high school haha!

Ultimate Opposite Sex Survey (for girls)

--Your Favorite--

Hair Color::         I tend to be attracted to brunettes for the mostpart, but I also love me some blonds and redheads :)

Eye Color::          green

(Their)Music Genre Preference::       Country or oldies, because I feel that a man who likes those is probably a pretty decent guy who's gonna treat his lady right :)

Height(estimate)::          As long as they're taller than me, it's all good.  I've noticed I tend to like like guys in the 5'10" to 6'3" range most of the time though

Age::     I have always dated guys older than me up to 2 years, but lately, I have been much more interested in boys younger than me up to 3 years lol.  So I guess I'd say my age range could be a span of 6 years (3 younger or older than me), so between 18 and 24ish?  That's what I'm attracted to, but I'd prefer a guy closer to the 20-22 range I think

Personality Type::           I love an arrogant man as much as I hate to admit it lol.  He also has to have a great sense of humor, strong values, be a family man, be smart, hard-working, laid-back, loyal and trustworthy, Catholic, good with money, loving, not necessarily romantic but still sweet and nice- someone who would surprise me with presents every once in a while and write me cute little notes and sing to me even jokingly and hold my hand and cuddle with me, and say sweet things to me, etc.

--This or That--

Older or Younger::          older

Romantic or Horndog::  romantic

Smart or Stupid::              smart but not cocky

Fat or Skinny::   skinny

Skinny but Muscular or Big and Muscular::           skinny

Punk or Preppy::              Preppy

The Big Picture or the Little Things::       little things

Flowers/Candy or Big Expensive Present::           flowers/candy

Mixtape or Burned CD::                mixtape

Love or Lust::     love

Emotional or Just Not:: emotional

Sincere or Jokester::      sincere

Hott and mean or Ugly and sweet::         ugly and sweet

Sexy or Just Cute::           just cute

Arse or Abs::      abs for sure

Hair or Hands::  hands

Dimples or Eyes::             eyes

Biceps or Calves/Thighs::             biceps

Teeth or Nose(some people are just wierd) ::    teeth

Clean Shaven or Scruffy::             I think I like a little scruff

Rugged or Prim and Proper::      rugged most of the time, but he's still gotta dressup nicely sometimes :)

Countryboy or Cityboy:      countryboy

Date alone or With Friends:        alone

Mama's Boy or Rebel Without A Cause::             Mama's Boy

--Have You Ever--

Dumped a guy because he liked you too much::               no

Loved a guy because he stalked you::    Probably not haha, but if I already liked him and he stalked me, I wouldn't mind too much ;)

Loved a guy because he hated you::       nope

Asked your friend's crush out::  not that I know of..

Lead a guy on for kicks::                nope

Asked a guy out purely because he was hott::    never

Flirted with guys even though you had a boyfriend::      yepp

Lied about not having a boyfriend::        nope..don't think I ever did

Lied about having one::                i dont think so..but maybe

Cheated::            never

Been Cheated on::          sort of lol, but I don't really count that as a relationship, so I'm not sure I count it as cheating either lol.  I don't know if anyone else cheated on me though.  It's possible.  I dated some shady characters, but if they did, I don't know, so I'll say no.

Had a crush on a gay guy::            haha yes

--Their Clothing(yes/no)--

Boxers?::             yes

Briefs?::               mm some guys could pull it off

Hat?::    yes, but not all the time

Skater Shoes?:: yes

Pimp Shoes?::   no

Band Shirts?::    sure

Vintage shirts?::               yes

Southpole/um..other thug clothes..?::  no

Dixie Outfitters/Big Johnsons?::               i dont know what that is, so no

Independent/DC?::        maybe. i dunno

S&M/Little Devil?::         no

Fox/Thor?::        suuurre

Jeans or Shorts?::            jeans

--Be Honest--

Would you ever date a guy for his money?::       nope

Would you ever date a guy for his social status?::            no

Have you ever liked hanging out with your bf's friends more than him?::             yeah :/ but I broke up with that boyfriend shortly after I realized that

Have you ever pretended to like somebody to make them feel better?:              yes

Have you called a girl a whore, when you were screwing lots of guys?::                no

Do looks matter?::          not really

Are you honestly scared of being dumped?::     yeah

Does size matter?::       umm no haha

Do you avoid 'situations' with ugly guys?::           no

Are you ashamed to be seen with your ugly friends?::   no. All my friends are beautiful anyway :)

Are you ashamed for being ashamed?(you better be)::     I'm not ashamed

Do you hide things from your crushes/guy friends/bf?::               probably, yes

Do you lie about masturbation for attention or false innocence?::             I don't really lie... haha... it just doesn't come up... lol

Do you really want a guy to say if those jeans make your butt look fat?::                yes

Are you disappointed when your bf doesn't say I love you right away?::                  no..I'd rather him wait until he means it

Wanna be a virgin till marriage?:                definitely :)

Do you really love the guys everytime that you say it?:   I may not always be "in love" with them, but I love pretty much everyone, so yes, I mean it

Do you dream about your crushes/bfs/guy friends?::     yepp

Would you makeout with a guy friend just to get it over with/curiosity?::                In the right situation, I might do it for curiosity...

So I've been having some real relationship problems.. I don't really want to go into details, because my boyfriend would be very mad if I posted certain things on the internet, but I'm wondering if he loves me and if he does, is it as much as I love him? It certainly doesn't seem that way, but I have no way of getting inside of his head. So being the huge loser I am, I looked it up online and one response I found really applied to my relationship was from wikianswers and it read:

"Loving is unconditional, meaning there is no conditions that the person you love loves you back. However, to know if someone loves you all one needs to look at is the actions of that person. Words are never enough, unless they are backed by actions that match what is being said. Should some one claim they love you then hurt you with their actions then most definetly that would not in my book be considered love."

Another response on Wiki Answers read:

"Love is when you care about someone else more than yourself. That's it. A good indicator is if they want to be your friend as well as being romantically involved with you."

This also goes along really well with my relationship, because I have been thinking that a lot lately that I do not think my boyfriend loves me more than himself, because whenever I have money, I buy him presents for no real reason just because I'd rather spend my money on him than on myself, because he is much more important to me, but he is the exact opposite. He will say he doesn't have any money so that I won't nag him about anniversary presents and stuff and then, he buys himself random computer stuff that he doesn't even need and he thinks I get upset because he's not buying me stuff which isn't the case at all. I do not feel entitled to his money or anything. I just wish he'd think of me before he thinks of himself.

But then, the answer also goes on to say:

"Love is something that you grow into like a young child growing into teenager clothing. Love just don't happen overnight, in one day or in one week for that matter. I think what you feel for each other in the beginning is more attraction and curiosity and with time it can change into love, but in order for true love to happen there has to be trust, honesty, sincerity and compassion in the relationship.That is the only way you really get to know that person and to know if that person really loves you. "

This made me think that maybe he just doesn't love me YET. I mean we've only been going out for a year or so and we were friends for a long time before that, so maybe he just hasn't transitioned yet from loving me like a friend to being in love with me. I don't think we're still in the attraction/curiosity stage anymore though. There is not much trust, honesty, or sincerity though. I don't think there's trust on either end and there hasn't been much honesty or sincerity on his part for most of our relationship. So maybe we need to work on those things before we can truly be in love, but the thing is.. I don't think he wants to even bother working on it.. And that makes me sadder than I can even begin to explain.

There are actually a lot of interesting insights on love on this page, so I'll just post up the link for anyone who wants to check it out. So here it is! http://wiki.answers.com/Q/How_do_you_know_that_the_person_you_love_loves_you_too

My main purposes in posting this were 1) to vent and to sort of think out loud and try and figure things out and 2) to get these things out in the open, so that I wouldn't have all these thoughts bottled up and 3) To try and see if there actually is a way to tell if someone loves you and to see if anyone reading this would like to contemplate this or answer this for me either based on facts you know about love or based on your own experiences. I don't get many comments, so I look forward to seeing if anyone has anything to say!

My River

You're nothing but a river
Flowing into a sea.
You're nothing but a secret
Deep inside of me.

I'm swimming in this river-
The river that is you.
I cannot stay away
From water so pure and true.

You're everything I've dreamed of-
Everything and more.
You're a million wishes come true.
Your water's what I'm living for.

You read my thoughts perfectly.
You know my every hope and dream.
Not only are you too good to be true,
But still, you're more than you seem.

You're greater than a mountain.
You're greater than than the sea.
Yet, you're nothing but a river
Flowing into me.

Think Pink

So I've finally started making some important decisions in my life which I should've probably made a while ago, but better late than never, right? I have finally chosen a college and I'm going out there this weekend to register for my classes which should be a fun adventure. I decided to re-kindle my friendship with Cheri and to break up with Pat and now, I'm going out with Cheri's ex-boyfriend and Pat's ex-friend James which only created more drama. Haha. But I enjoy it way more than the other drama I've gone through this high school career. It just sucks though, because all of my friends from school decided to become like bff's with Pat and now, they've all turned against me and no one will give me a good reason why. I wouldn't mind that much, but it's the end of Senior year and Prom's next week and it would be way more fun if I had a group of friends to spend my last few weeks of school with since all of my other friends are from outside of school and I can only bring one as a date to Prom and I'm bringing James which I'm pretty excited about. I also finally picked a Prom dress- It's a princess dress and it's yellow!! Pretty funtabulous stuff going on in my life. Well, my Digital Photography class is just about over, so I've got to wrap this up, but keep on loving and praying and spread the loops of life!

I actually ended up not getting the yellow dress, because it was on ebay and there were some shipping an sizing problems and it would not have been ready on time, so at the last minute, my mom found this green dress and I fell in love with it and ended up getting it instead which is strange, because I was originally dead set on light green anyway :)