A friendship gone... do I want it back?

Lately, I've been very bothered by a falling out I had with my best friend of 3 years. We were really close for a while, but she became very clingy as soon as I got into a real committed relationship with my boyfriend. She always made me feel like I had to choose between her and Pat(my boyfriend). Whenever my boyfriend and I got into fights and I tried to talk to her about it, she would just tell me to break up with him, but in a very subtle way of course. She would go back and forth telling em I was either a really good friend or a bad friend. It got really annoying. I was always trying to tutor her and help her with chores since she was never a very motivated or hard-working individual. I rarely complained; I just wanted her to take some responsiblity in her life and be more considerate of others especailly myself and her dad. Eventually, she flunked out of school even with all of my attempts to help her. I felt sorry for her and angry with her at the same time.

I decided that being her friend wasn't a very good idea, because I always gave her an easy way out. She didn't mind not going to our school as much as most people would've, because she knew I'd still hangout with her and talk to her and such and thus, our entire group of friends would still keep in touch with her. I didn't want to completely pull her away from all social interaction, but I did feel she needed a reality check, so I stopped talking to her so much and didn't hang out with ehr nearly as often as she'd like. She got mad at me when I told her I wouldn't take her to our prom. She said I was a bad friend, because I wouldn't hang out with her as much. She said I should be able to hang out with her at least twice a week without Pat and when I explained to her that I had work, school, and chores and I'd be lucky if I could hangout once every two weeks, she got really upset and made some remarks about how I'd still make time for Pat, but I wouldn't amke time for her even though Pat and I do homework and chores together (two things she rarely does for her own home let alone mine).

She eventually apologized and we were made up for a while, but I really didn't want to be best friends anymore. I still wanted to remain close; I just wanted a new best friend. It wasn't even Pat. I mean I love Pat a lot and we have been going out for over a year and we're palnning to go to college together and everything, but I want someone else. I want a female best friend, too. I just don't think Cheri was ever really best friend material. She and I are complete opposites. We don't really have anything in common other than our gender and chick flicks and makeup get old eventually. It's nothing personal against Cheri. She's just not the person I imagined being my lifelong best friend and I didn't want to have to completely change my life just to be there for her when she's hardly ever there for me. I need someone like me- someone I can relate to, someone who has common beliefs and interests with me, and someone who could be good friends with Pat, too without getting jealous of him.

I think pushing Cheri away was kind of good for her, because she seems a lot more motivated now as far -as I know at least. Our friendship was too much obligation on my part and I feel like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders though I do miss her sometimes. Plus she wasn't being a very good friend to anyone. She used our friend Dan to go to a school dance even though she knew he liked her and then, she refused to dance with him and she tried to sit away from him at dinner. She used to be nice, but lately, I don't know. I'm just not sure if I ever want to be friends with her again. I'm sure she needs a friend now, but I don't want her making me feel guilty for things that aren't my fault and I need her to understand we are never going to be best friends. We simply don't mesh. I just don't want to wonder "what if" for the rest of my life, ya know. I suppose I'll just have to wait it out and see what comes my way. Maybe she'll change and realize she needed me out to focus on her life and see that she needed to start fixing things on her own and she'll be able to share an equal half of the friendship with me.

The Beginning

I suppose I'll begin blogging by explaining why I chose to create a blogger account. As I've said in my about me, I am absolutely passionate about writing. I've kept a journal for the majority of the past 7 or 8 years, but lately, I've been slacking and I miss writing. I wish I had more time to just sit and write my thoughts, but it seems as I get older, I have less and less free time every year, so I found this site after hearing about it from a woman at American Greetings who highly recommended blogging as a hobby for me and here I am.

I'm sure if it hadn't been for my mother though, I would not have been able to have such free time to create a blogger account for by hogging the bathroom for an hour this morning, she made me too late to catch my bus and thus, I stayed home from school not that I'm complaining about it or anything. I just hope I'll have time to write more than a simple beginning for my account.