Loopy Loopy Love: September 2009

So I've been having some real relationship problems.. I don't really want to go into details, because my boyfriend would be very mad if I posted certain things on the internet, but I'm wondering if he loves me and if he does, is it as much as I love him? It certainly doesn't seem that way, but I have no way of getting inside of his head. So being the huge loser I am, I looked it up online and one response I found really applied to my relationship was from wikianswers and it read:

"Loving is unconditional, meaning there is no conditions that the person you love loves you back. However, to know if someone loves you all one needs to look at is the actions of that person. Words are never enough, unless they are backed by actions that match what is being said. Should some one claim they love you then hurt you with their actions then most definetly that would not in my book be considered love."

Another response on Wiki Answers read:

"Love is when you care about someone else more than yourself. That's it. A good indicator is if they want to be your friend as well as being romantically involved with you."

This also goes along really well with my relationship, because I have been thinking that a lot lately that I do not think my boyfriend loves me more than himself, because whenever I have money, I buy him presents for no real reason just because I'd rather spend my money on him than on myself, because he is much more important to me, but he is the exact opposite. He will say he doesn't have any money so that I won't nag him about anniversary presents and stuff and then, he buys himself random computer stuff that he doesn't even need and he thinks I get upset because he's not buying me stuff which isn't the case at all. I do not feel entitled to his money or anything. I just wish he'd think of me before he thinks of himself.

But then, the answer also goes on to say:

"Love is something that you grow into like a young child growing into teenager clothing. Love just don't happen overnight, in one day or in one week for that matter. I think what you feel for each other in the beginning is more attraction and curiosity and with time it can change into love, but in order for true love to happen there has to be trust, honesty, sincerity and compassion in the relationship.That is the only way you really get to know that person and to know if that person really loves you. "

This made me think that maybe he just doesn't love me YET. I mean we've only been going out for a year or so and we were friends for a long time before that, so maybe he just hasn't transitioned yet from loving me like a friend to being in love with me. I don't think we're still in the attraction/curiosity stage anymore though. There is not much trust, honesty, or sincerity though. I don't think there's trust on either end and there hasn't been much honesty or sincerity on his part for most of our relationship. So maybe we need to work on those things before we can truly be in love, but the thing is.. I don't think he wants to even bother working on it.. And that makes me sadder than I can even begin to explain.

There are actually a lot of interesting insights on love on this page, so I'll just post up the link for anyone who wants to check it out. So here it is! http://wiki.answers.com/Q/How_do_you_know_that_the_person_you_love_loves_you_too

My main purposes in posting this were 1) to vent and to sort of think out loud and try and figure things out and 2) to get these things out in the open, so that I wouldn't have all these thoughts bottled up and 3) To try and see if there actually is a way to tell if someone loves you and to see if anyone reading this would like to contemplate this or answer this for me either based on facts you know about love or based on your own experiences. I don't get many comments, so I look forward to seeing if anyone has anything to say!

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

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